smiles and cries..

Well friends here we are again. I was just reading over the first post that I made in this new journal and I realized that I really didn't give justice in the explanation of the beginning of our relationship. You see this all started about 2 months ago when I messaged Heather out of the blue on myspace.com. She didn't reply within the first couple of days so I figured that there wasn't any interest. I must admit that I was bummed because between her picture and her profile I really did want the chance to meet her. Finally after a few days she sent me a little message back with her yahoo id and away we went. I think it was that very same night that we started talking on yahoo and I was just blown away. Here was a girl that is very beautiful, funny caring and articulate. For the next few nights we chatted online and every conversation seemed to go better and better. Finally within a couple weeks we set our first date. We met at a restaurant in Bangor and the second I saw her I realized that there was something there. After dinner we walked around a few stores and chatted and when I went to take her to her car we had the first kiss. Granted the first kiss was a little awkward it was still awesome. Then after a couple moments of teasing she asked if I was the type to kiss and tell, after answering "no" she gave me a kiss that I will never forget about. So now lets kind of fast forward a little bit through the next weeks...You see over the next few weeks Heather and I started spending a lot of time together. We talked several times a day saw each other every couple of days if not sooner. There was something between us that neither of us could really deny. Thus came the problem. Heather told me right from the get go (and I still thank her for her honesty) that she did not want any type of serious relationship, that she just wanted to have some fun. At first I was somewhat okay with this but I realized that the more and more time I spent with this amazing girl, the more and more my heart was not under my control. Thus created my other dillema, because growing up I was always taught and if you are going to love, love with your whole heart. Now to my shits luck, this girl who didn't want a relationship totally had my heart. So our time together went well and I treasured every moment, we did a range of things from painting pottery to going to concerts to just hanging around home watching movies. I didn't know what to do, every time we were together I was biting my tongue to not tell her that I loved her. Then came a night where she told me that she had a date with another guy. I was fucked to put it gently. Here I was madly in love (and affection) with this girl and I was getting ready to lose her to another guy. I couldn't say anything to her because she wasn't mine to say anything to. For two days I twisted myself inside and out going quite literally insane (thank you, Shawn) trying to figure out what the fuck to do cause I had to have this girl, I knew this was my one chance my one fucking opportunity to have the one thing I wanted. Normally this wouldn't be that much of a hassle but I cared so much for her that I didn't want to complicate her life. The date announcement came on a Tuesday night, that next night me and my brother spent some time together because I needed someone to talk to. I was lost. In our conversations we managed to wind up out to the lake. Now for anyone that knows us, the lake is a special place to me, a place that is sacred in my heart. A place where everything makes sense and nothing can go wrong. It happened to be a full moon that night with not a cloud in the sky, as far as the weather could go, it couldn't be any more perfect. While I was standing out on the dock I saw one solitary shooting star and with every fucking fools prayer I had in me I wished on that star the only girl in this world that I wanted would fall in love with me as I had her. Then came the night of confessions. Confession has always been an interesting word to me, one of those words you just love and you don't really know why? well now I have my reason. so for 2 days I had been killing myself emotionally trying to figure out how to make it so we were both happy and I just didn't know what to do. So I went home that night and called her as I normally do and we talked for a few moments and then I told her she was starting to break up cause she was on her cell. She said "do me a favor and look outside". To say the least I went ape shit, I came out of that front door with more of a purpose than I ever had. She had surprised me. Something not easily accomplishable but she did it, the second she was out of her car I grabbed her and there wasn't a fucking thing on this earth that could of made me let her go. After a few moments of me mauling her in the yard we went inside and standing in the kitchen we made our confessions. I told her that I loved her and no matter how much I said I didn't or tried to deny it, I couldn't because I was hers. After throwing my heart out in the air like that I didn't know what to expect. She could make me or break me in one split second and in one single word. Thankfully my wish on the shooting star came true. For as long as eternity weaves I will never forget that night. When she in one sentence restored all matter of hope and faith I had in not only myself but in the world and for the first time I knew things were going to be really alright. I've been on a cloud 9 ever since that night, I mean there are times when I'm not bouncing out of my shoes with excitement but I am still happy, like deep down in my soul type happy. She has broken down walls and pushed me to places that most people were either scared to go or scared of making me go. There is much more of this story that I could write about but this post is already a lengthy read so for now my friends I will let you take in that chapter because we are in the midst of writing a book that will go down with the ages. Until then Peace.