Forgive me father for I have sinned...

I say that phrase numerous times in a day. Why? Because there has been so many things that I have done that I regret, so many words that I wished I had never said, so many thoughts that I wished never came into my mind. Every day I wish I could take those things back, everyday I say, take something from me to make the ones that I love healthy and happy. The last month or so has been a trying time indeed. It started with the unexpected death of our youngest cat, us having to put down my 12 year old beagle and now Heather facing an unknown illness. She tells me all the time that she is fine and that I worry far too much. I realize she's probably right but I cannot help it. I have lost more family and friends than I can really count and the thought of something being seriously wrong with her drives me insane. I have done so much in my life, seen and heard things that would make a lot of people's soul turn inside out and the only thing that I am truly scared of is losing her. And I admit, I am scared to death. Heather has become my life, my being and my everything. Although I don't always show it in the best ways I love her more than life and I would give anything, and I do mean anything to make sure she is happy and healthy. It seems like its a curse that follows me around, people I become close to have something bad happen to them. Either they die, they go broke, something just plain old bad happens to em and I always seem to be around when it happens. I sometimes wonder if the higher spirit punishes others for my misdeeds. "To stop a man, take his heart and soul" type deal, ya know? I realize I am foolish in my ideas but with everything that has happened in my life, to know all the details, it sometimes makes me wonder. If this really is the case. Please, forgive me father.